Hi, I’m Dr. Peggy Bolcoa, LMFT, PhD. I’ve spent over two decades in the room with couples and families, and I run a private practice in Costa Mesa, California. I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) a lot, because it helps people spot the real emotions under the noise and fix the loop they keep repeating.
Before we start: “disrespectful wife” is a phrase people search for when they feel hurt and done with the excuses. I get it. Still, disrespect is a behavior problem, not a “women’s problem.” Husbands can do the same things. The goal here is simple: help you name what’s happening, stop the damage, and figure out your next move.
Top 6 dating sites to meet women (quick picks)
If you’re not married yet, or you’re starting over, here are six dating sites that work well. Just pick the platform that fits how you date.
- SofiaDate — Big mainstream site with lots of users. Best for quick matches in large cities. Expect more small talk and more flakes.
- SakuraDate — “Serious relationship” site with extra profile questions. Better if you want fewer matches, but higher effort.
- LatiDate — Platform that pushes women to start the chat first. Helpful if you want less spam and a clearer pace.
- LanaDate — Niche site for faith and shared values. Great if religion and family roles matter a lot to you.
- GoldenBride — Dating pool for 40+ or divorced people. Less game-play, more straight talk about real life.
- NaomiDate — International dating platform. Good if you’re open to long-distance and culture gaps, but you must watch for scams and move slowly.
One quick stat to keep your head on straight: Pew found about half (52%) of online daters say they’ve run into someone they think tried to scam them. So pick a site, but also pick a safety plan.
What “disrespect” really looks like (and what it’s not)
Disrespect is not the same as:
- a bad day
- a sharp tone once in a while
- disagreeing on money, sex, family, and chores
- her saying “no” to something you want
Disrespect is a pattern where one person treats the other like they’re dumb, unwanted, or “less than.” Over time, that pattern turns into contempt, coldness, and a home that feels tense.
Research on couples has shown that the way conflicts are handled can predict long-term outcomes, and the early years can be especially risky. Additionally, it is helpful to know the distinction between “rude” and “unsafe.” The CDC defines psychological aggression as verbal/non-verbal communication meant to harm someone mentally or emotionally, or to control them.
If you’re dealing with threats, stalking, physical violence, or control that makes you scared, that’s not just “a disrespectful wife.” That’s a safety issue. We’ll talk about that near the end.
12 signs your wife doesn’t respect you (the ones I hear about most)
I’ll use the keyword phrase people search—signs your wife doesn’t respect you—but I’m going to say it in plain talk: these are the behaviors that make a husband feel small in his own home.
1) She corrects you like a child, especially in front of others
This one stings because it’s public. You tell a story, and she jumps in with, “No, that’s not what happened,” or “That’s not what you meant.”
What it usually means: she’s carrying resentment, or she feels unsafe and tries to control the moment.
Try this: “I’ll hear your version later. Please don’t correct me in front of people.”
2) Eye-rolls, smirks, sarcastic sighs
A lot of men tell me they can take feedback, but they can’t take the look. That look says: “You’re a joke.” There’s a reason couples researchers talk about contempt as poison. Contempt shows up in facial expressions and disgust-type reactions during conflict.
Try this: “When you roll your eyes, I stop hearin’ the words. Do you want to restart that sentence?”
3) She uses “teasing” that always cuts you down
Jokes that land like punches: your job, your body, your bedroom performance, your family, your friends.
Try this: “I’m fine with humor. I’m not fine with humiliation.”
4) She talks over you, then calls you “too sensitive”
This is one of the clearest signs of disrespect from a woman (or from any partner): you say you’re hurt, and she acts like your feelings are fake.
Try this: “You don’t have to agree with me to respect what I feel.”
5) She makes big choices and informs you after
Money, trips, rules with the kids, and family plans. You find out when it’s already done.
Try this: “I want a marriage, not a report. Big choices are a ‘we’ thing.”
6) She treats your time like it has no value
She schedules over you. She shows up late and laughs. She acts like your plans are optional.
Try this: “If we set a time, I need you to treat it as real.”
7) Private disrespect: snooping, checking, interrogations
I’m not talking about normal reassurance. I mean phone checks, location checks, surprise interrogations, then anger if you ask for privacy.
Try this: “If you don’t trust me, we need a real talk and maybe help. Control won’t fix trust.”
8) Weaponized silence (stonewalling)
She shuts down, walks away, refuses to speak for days, and you’re left guessing what crime you committed. Stonewalling is a known conflict pattern that shows up in couples research and clinical work as part of the “shutdown” cycle.
Try this: “I’m open to a break. I’m not open to any end-time. Can we pause for 30 minutes and come back?”
9) She uses sex as a punishment tool
Sex is not owed, ever. But punishment sex rules create a power game: “Do what I want, or you get nothing.”
Try this: “I respect your right to say no. I need you to respect that intimacy can’t be used as a weapon.”
10) She flirts to get a reaction or talks about other men to hurt you
This isn’t harmless. It’s a threat behavior: “You’re replaceable.”
Try this: “If you want attention, ask for it. If you want out, say that. Don’t poke wounds.”
11) She trashes you to friends or family
A partner who vents once is human. A partner who builds a whole “my husband is trash” story is building your funeral while you’re still married.
Try this: “If you need support, get it. But don’t destroy me to feel better.”
12) You feel scared to bring up normal topics
This is the “body clue.” If you find yourself rehearsing every sentence, you’re living in a pressure cooker.
And look, couples therapy is not just about romance. People often come in with depression, anxiety, grief, betrayal, addiction, and more piled on top. That pile can turn small talks into blow-ups fast.
Signs of a quarrelsome wife (when every talk turns into a fight)
People also search for signs of a quarrelsome wife, so let’s name that pattern too. “Quarrelsome” usually looks like:
- Instantly arguing over small facts
- Scorekeeping: “After all I do…”
- No repair after fights (no apology, no warmth)
- Topic-jumping: you start with dishes, you end with your childhood
- Crowd-building: she pulls kids or family into the fight
- Rules for you, freedom for her
- You always end up as the villain
Here’s the hard truth I tell couples: constant fighting is rarely about the surface topic. It’s about the emotional loop under it. That’s a big reason I lean on EFT. I’m “practical, interactive, and nonjudgmental,” and EFT helps people see the cycle and change it.
“Real talk” from my office: cases that still stick with me
I’ll keep these as composites (details changed), because privacy matters.
He said, “I can handle anger. I can’t handle the look.” She said, “I’m not mean, I’m just honest.”
What we found: her “look” showed up when she felt ignored. His shutdown showed up when he felt mocked. They kept triggering each other.
What helped: we put a rule in place—no contempt cues in the room. If an eye-roll happened, we paused and restarted the sentence. It sounded silly at first. It worked.
She corrected him in front of her mom every time. He stopped talking at family dinners.
What we found: she felt alone with the baby. She wanted him to step up, but she went for shame instead of a clear ask.
What helped: one direct weekly plan and one line she practiced: “I need help. I’m overwhelmed.” No insults. No audience.
She went quiet for three days after any conflict. He begged. She got colder.
What we found: silence was her old survival move. He chased, which made her feel trapped.
What helped: timed breaks with an endpoint, plus a short text template: “I need 45 minutes. I’ll talk at 7:30.” The predictability lowered the panic for both.
Either partner can do this. In this case, she controlled all the money and mocked his purchases.
What we found: fear under control. Past debt trauma. Zero teamwork.
What helped: shared budget meeting once a week and two accounts: one joint, one personal. Respect went up fast once both had some power.
This couple met online, on SofiaDate. She kept the apps “just in case.” He found out and felt stupid.
Pew reports that one-in-ten partnered adults met their current spouse or partner on a dating site or app. Meeting online can work great, but it also creates new trust issues if boundaries are fuzzy.
What helped: clear agreements about app deletion, flirting rules, and what “exclusive” means in plain words.
One line from my own work that fits here:“I’ve seen seemingly impossible situations become relationships that are loving, safe, and intimate.” Not every couple stays together. Many do get better once they stop the disrespect cycle and start talking like teammates again.
What to do if you’re stuck with a disrespectful wife: 9 moves that help
If you’re dealing with a disrespectful wife, the goal isn’t to “win” a fight. It’s to stop the damage, get your self-respect back, and see if the marriage can turn into teamwork again. Here are nine moves that help, even if she’s defensive at first.
- Stop accepting “that’s just how I am.” Rude habits can change. If she refuses to own it, you’re stuck in the same loop.
- Get specific: name the behavior, not her whole identity. Say: “Don’t insult me in front of friends.” Not: “You’re a disrespectful wife.”
- Set one boundary you can actually keep. Example: “If you call me names, I’ll end the talk, and we’ll try again later.” Then do it. No drama, no threat voice.
- Use one clear “I” line instead of a lecture. “I feel disrespected when you talk over me. I need you to let me finish.” Short beats long.
- Ask one clean question, then listen for two minutes. “What do you need from me that you aren’t getting?” No rebuttal, no cross-exam, no sarcasm. Just listen.
- Trade mind-reading for direct requests. A lot of disrespect is a messy ask for care. Push it into plain words: “I need help with the kids,” “I need time together,” “I need you to back me up.”
- Make a “rules of fight” list and post it. No insults. No threats. No bringing in the kids. One topic at a time. Breaks with an end time. If a rule breaks, you pause.
- Bring back one daily sign of respect. A greeting, a thank you, a hug, a quick check-in. Small stuff, done daily, can cool a hot house fast.
- Get outside help, and know the hard line. If the loop won’t stop, couples therapy can help. If there’s fear, stalking, threats, forced sex, or control that traps you, treat it as a safety issue, not “marriage drama.”
If you’re dating: avoid these “signs of disrespect from a woman” early (online and in person)
If you date online (or meet in the real world), you can spot disrespect fast if you stop excusing it as “banter” or “chemistry.” I tell clients: “Respect shows up on date one. So does the lack of it.”
A few stats that matter, because online dating has real downsides:
- About 52% of people who used dating sites/apps say they ran into someone they thought was trying to scam them.
- Among online dating users, 38% got unsolicited explicit messages/images, 30% got continued unwanted contact, and 6% got threatened with physical harm.
- Romance scams also cost real money: the FTC reported $1.14 billion in reported losses in 2023, with median losses of $2,000.
Online chat red flags that count as “signs of disrespect from a woman”
These are the ones I’d take seriously, even if she’s cute, smart, funny, or “just blunt”:
- She mocks your boundaries right away
You say, “I don’t do late-night first meets,” and she replies, “Wow, insecure much?” That’s not teasing. That’s disrespect. - She pushes sex talk early, then shames you for your reaction
If you play along, she calls you gross. If you don’t, she calls you boring. Either way, she tries to put you under her control. - She tests you with jealousy games
Mentions “all the other guys” to make you compete. A healthy person does not need a crowd to feel wanted. - She cancels, then acts like your time is nothing
One cancel can be life. A pattern plus zero care is a message. - She corrects you like you’re dumb
Even small stuff: your job title, your opinions, your story. If her tone says “you’re clueless,” believe the tone. - She says cruel stuff, then hides behind “I’m just honest”
Honesty can be kind. Cruelty is not honesty. - She tries to rush you into trust
Fast “pet names,” fast “soulmate” talk, fast pressure to move off the app, fast anger if you slow it down. Respect can wait. - She guilt-trips you for not paying for everything
A woman can prefer a traditional setup. That’s fine. Disrespect is when she demands it with insults. - She refuses simple courtesy
No greetings, no thanks, no basic interest in who you are. She talks like you’re a service. - She gets nasty when you don’t reply fast
A respectful person asks what’s up. A disrespectful one punishes you.
A quick reality check: marriage stress is real, but disrespect is still a choice
In the U.S., the CDC reports 2,041,926 marriages and 672,502 divorces (from reporting states) with a divorce rate of 2.4 per 1,000 population in provisional 2023 data. Stress is normal. Disrespect as a lifestyle is not.
If you read this list and think, “This is my house,” your next step is not a perfect speech. Your next step is one calm boundary plus one honest talk. If that fails, get help. If there’s fear or control, put safety first.
If you want, tell me which 2–3 signs hit hardest for you, and I’ll help you script a short talk you can use word-for-word.
